we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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