i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
