I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
