It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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