its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
