based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
