New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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