note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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