Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
