It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
