This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
