they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
