Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
