I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
zippers are such a cool invention
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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