Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
