I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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