I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
