Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
