If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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