Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
