She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
