I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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