I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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