i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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