My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
