I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
