just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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