i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
