Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
