I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize