So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
