I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
