So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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