I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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