do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
