we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
