Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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