Non-Jews are for practice
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
