I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
