She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
