Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i need some magic done to my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
