if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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