its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
