I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
