if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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