my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So apparently I’m into choking now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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