P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
