VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
