I molested 6 butterflies tonight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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