google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
