The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
