don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
