too bad you live with your parents still
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
