yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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