oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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