I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
