I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
