margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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