I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
