Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And then he peed in my hair
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