i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
