Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
