I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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